How To Support Someone Who Struggles With Substance Use or Addiction
Having a loved one or close friend struggling with addiction can feel terrifying or downright difficult. When you decide to help them, you commit to actively participating in their recovery. It's essential to educate yourself about addiction itself, as well as the recovery process.
One of the most impactful and essential things you can do is to remain supportive and non-shaming. People use drugs and struggle with problematic behaviors for many reasons. Quite often, substance use is aimed at trying to self-soothe or to get a deeper need met.
Here are some other things to consider when supporting someone who struggles with addiction.
How to help someone with addiction
Recovery doesn't happen overnight. Staying sober, if a person choose to be abstinent, is a lifelong process. Stay open and curious, and reflect on your feelings about their behavior and presentation. Focusing on their behavior and use will likely trigger a defensive response, which will close the door on the opportunity to support your loved one. Stay focused on “I” statements, expressing your observations, feelings, and needs.
Learn about addiction
Learning as much as possible before approaching someone you're concerned about is important. Try to learn common risk factors and warning signs of addiction. Addiction, whether it is substances, alcohol, gambling, shopping, etc., will all manifest itself differently. To begin, you should know the difference between addiction and dependency because they’re not the same. We can depend on coffee to get started in the morning, but that doesn’t mean it’s an addiction.
Addiction includes:
Using more significant amounts and for more extended periods than intended
Wanting to quit but unable to
Spending a significant amount of time thinking about (craving) and obtaining the substance or behavior
Less able to carry out responsibilities at home, school, or work because of their use or behavior
Continued use despite persistent harms
Tolerance: using more to get the desired effect
Withdrawal: significant symptoms when without the substance or behavior
It’s important to note that a person who doesn’t want to quit, doesn’t have withdrawal, and is able to carry out responsibilities wouldn’t indicate addiction. There is a difference between using substances and addiction. Dependency on substances doesn’t equal addiction based on the diagnosing criteria.
Understand that ambivalence is part of change
Starting the recovery process is less cut and dry than many people believe. Many people fluctuate through stages of ambivalence before seeking help, which is normal! It takes us time to make changes in our life, and it doesn’t happen overnight. Understanding natural ambivalence can help you remain a supportive partner in their recovery.
Any treatment will only work if a person is ready and internally motivated, not coerced by others. Coercion and forcing people into doing anything will result in relapse. Sustained and lasting change in recovery needs to be driven internally by the individual, not done to appease others. Instead of forcing someone into treatment when they aren't ready, try to offer help by asking open-ended questions.
“How have you been feeling recently?”
“What is it that you want for yourself right now?”
With a compassionate, non-shaming approach, you might reflect on changes you've observed in their presentation or behavior.
“I notice that you seem less engaged these days. Is there anything I can do to help?”
Set boundaries
Boundaries are crucial in all healthy relationships, and most people have yet to learn what health boundaries look like. Most of my clients who have struggled with addiction need support identifying their boundaries. Loved ones need help with their boundaries when in a relationship with a person in the throes of problematic substance use. Identifying boundaries is a personal process and a step to ensure everyone feels safe and respected in the relationship. It might include telling them they cannot drink or use around certain family members. It needs to be clear that setting boundaries isn't a punishment. It's a way to help keep everyone safe. Setting boundaries can be difficult, but it's critical in the recovery process to help everyone have healthy parameters.
Be prepared for mistakes and relapses
It's important to understand that recovery is rarely a linear journey. Relapses are a common part of the process and are opportunities to learn, not a sign of failure. Lapses in the change process provide an opportunity for further learning and growth. You can help your loved one navigate their recovery journey more effectively by approaching these setbacks with understanding and patience.
Understand and set expectations
Recovery will vary from person to person. While many recovery programs offer structure and steps, the road to recovery is truly an individualized journey. Treatment should also be individualized. For some, in-patient rehab is a good first step towards stabilization; for others, an outpatient treatment program allows them to maintain their day-to-day lives while supporting necessary change. There is no one-size-fits-all. Try to set attainable and realistic expectations throughout the recovery process.
Take care of yourself
Being there for someone with addiction can bring on emotional and physical distress for those closest to them. It's crucial to remember that your well-being is just as important. Taking care of yourself is not a luxury but a necessity. By prioritizing self-care, you can more effectively support your loved one.
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance use or addiction, remember that there is always hope. Therapy can be a powerful tool for recovery, providing support, guidance, and a safe space to explore your feelings. Please reach out today to learn more about substance abuse counseling and how it can be a positive step towards a healthier, happier life.